Overthinking? Terrified? Jumping Anyway!
Why “I’m fine” is the most suspicious sentence in leadership.
“I’m Fine” Is a Lie (Most of the Time)
Let’s just call it out—"fine" is a four-letter word. Not in the technical sense (unless you spell it out:
F—F*cked up I—Insecure N—Neurotic E—Emotional)
But in the leadership sense? Yeah, it's basically code for I’m hanging by a thread but still trying to look like I have my sh*t together.
We’ve all done it. I’ve done it.
If you’ve been reading my last two newsletters, you already know we’ve covered the cost of hiding struggles (see: Super Leader Syndrome) and the relief that comes when you stop performing and start telling the truth. So now, let’s talk about that weird limbo where you’re trying to be real... but still feel the pressure to be professional.
This one hits close for me.
The Business of Being Seen
When I first became a coach, I genuinely believed that my lived experience, training, and sincere desire to help people would be enough to build a business. What nobody mentioned? That I’d need a minor in sales psychology and a secret MBA in online marketing to make it sustainable.
Cue the shame spiral. Because shouldn’t I be further along by now? Shouldn’t it be easier? Shouldn’t I already know how to confidently show up without feeling like I’m faking half of it?
And yet, every time someone asked how things were going, my default answer was: “I’m fine.”
Which, again, was complete B.S.
Even as I write this, I want to put on my hard shell of sarcasm because I hate writing about myself in my vulnerable sore spots. I think this is the fifth edit I’ve done. In the interest of NOT letting my perfectionism hijack the whole thing, this will be the last. (Deep breath. Hitting publish. Gulp.)
But here’s the thing: saying “I’m fine” kept me approachable. It kept me from making people uncomfortable. It gave me just enough cover to stay in control.
But it didn’t create real connection. It didn’t help me get support. And it sure as hell didn’t grow my business.
Here’s what I’ve learned the hard way (and still remind myself often):
You can be honest about where you are without collapsing into a puddle of overshare. You can be vulnerable and still earn respect. You can tell the truth without giving up your power.
So what does that look like in practice?
Here are 3 simple ways to be real and professional:
1. Ditch the “I’m fine.” Try: “I’m figuring some things out right now, but I’m doing the work.” It’s honest. It’s grounded. It doesn’t overshare, but it opens the door for real connection.
2. Share the struggle, not just the solution. Whether it’s with your team, your audience, or your peers—let them see that you’re human. That you’re not a superhero, you’re a person who’s learning in real-time. That’s what makes you relatable and credible.
3. Own your story—messy middle and all. Your journey isn’t less valuable because it doesn’t look how you thought it would. The mess is part of the message. Stop waiting to “arrive” before you start showing up.
If you’re tired of pretending you’re fine… welcome to the club. The leaders I work with? Most of them are secretly exhausted from carrying the image of someone who has it all together.
But once they drop the act? That’s when real leadership starts.
Ready to Ditch “Fine” for Good?
If you're done performing “fine” and ready to get real about what’s working and what’s not in your leadership, take my Expert Integrity Quiz to discover how you're showing up, where you're stuck, and what small shifts will make the biggest impact.
Start here ➝ Take the quiz
It’s quick, eye-opening, and zero pressure—just the truth about how you’re showing up and what’s really driving your choices.
